There’s nothing worse than a guy who brags about what great health he’s in.
That said, I’m in great health.
By that I mean I’m getting about 20,000% of the daily recommended allowance of Vitamins A, B, C, D and a whole bunch more.
I’d like to tell you it’s because I’m eating a lot of broccoli and apples and prunes.
But the truth is different. It’s this:
I’ve discovered my children’s bottle of Gummy Bear vitamins.
I am popping them like jelly beans.
I’m thinking there have to be some side effects to eating this many vitamins, like maybe losing the use of your liver (so kids, don’t try this at home), but the upside is that they taste great.
And I haven’t even mentioned the benefits of the joy I experience when I ask the little bears, “Who’s the greatest dad in the Pastis family?”, which they always fail to answer, forcing me to bite their little heads off. (I’d like to say I do that to amuse my kids, but the truth is I do it when I’m standing by myself in the kitchen.)
I guess I’m telling you all this so that if in the next few days, you hear I’ve OD’ed on some drug, it wasn’t on purpose.
It was for the yummy gummy bear taste.