Here’s Hoping for the Automatic Fork

Yesterday, I saw a person press a button to close the trunk of his car.

After closing the trunk, he walked around to the driver’s door and got in the car.

That got me to thinking.

It’s a shame he had to make the effort to sit down in his car.  I think he should be able to press a button and have a crane rise from the car roof and automatically lift his body and set it down in the seat.

And what about when he gets home and has to walk to his front door?  There should be an automated conveyor belt that folds out from under the car and carries him to the door.

And he shouldn’t have to open it.  The front door should swing automatically open, at which point a ceiling-mounted harness should lift him gently to the recliner in front of his TV.

I am guessing that the most exercise that person gets in the course of a day is lifting a fork to his mouth so that he can eat the 7-Layer Burrito his wife bought him at Taco Bell.  Which is a real shame.

Because there should be a button for that.

32 thoughts on “Here’s Hoping for the Automatic Fork

  1. Nope, sorry. When I come out of the store with 2 toddlers in tow and all I have to do is push a button on my Tahoe to open and while strapping the kids into their car seats, push the button again, that isn’t laziness, it’s called convenience. Don’t be jealous Stephan.

  2. I agree with the premise… at least the sarcasm in the premise. I have heard of people here who are overweight, get their overweight kids to get the garbage and ride on the hood of the car to take it to the household garbage can at the end of the driveway. Also heard of someone who rides riding lawnmower to do the same. Calling that lazy is an insult to the word. It’s worse.

  3. My car is all manual… as in, it’s a 2011 model with wind-up windows, push-button locks, a trunk that I still have difficulty operating, and the engine’s hood has to be held up with the little stick thingy. I asked for this model specifically. I refuse to be “another fat American”.

    Can I have a button for that, too?

  4. Wall-e was a great animated film (as animated films go) A robot cannot be orphaned, but this film did manage to show us a main character that was very isolated none the less. The evolution of humans in this film is hysterical, and may not be far off the mark. Here’s a clip of it:

  5. Go on Stephan, draw us a toon of the guy getting lifter into his car by a roof-attached lift. Mental image got me laughing.

  6. If such a button became available for sale, I would be the first to buy it. I guess I am REALlY LAZY.

  7. I would order 157 soft tacos for the CROCS but somebody else would have to pay….they got no monies…..unless they find a coupon.

  8. This could be applied to the military…soon, soldiers can sit in their houses and just press a button to do their soldierly job.

  9. Well, I’m riding a bike to work, but if were to buy a car again, I’d definitely wanted a button to close the trunk. Too damn cool.

  10. Push a button. Is that how you write “Pearls?”

    Or do you just push the envelope.

  11. What about the poor wife in this scenario. Shouldn’t she have a button too? A button that says, “Get your own 7-layer burrito next time, and I hope you don’t think I’m pushing the button to clean that fork when you’re finished…”

  12. I know a guy that recently got a vehicle with that kind of button. He says if you manually close the trunk, it doesn’t lock, but the push-button locks the trunk. I’m assuming it’s for when you get carjacked and the jackers stick you in the trunk and slam it shut, you can still escape. I watch too much TV.

  13. This is genius. Meaning, the person who thought up the 7 layer burrito at Taco Bell is a genius.

  14. What gets me is when you go to the gym. And there are people driving around the parking lot so that they don’thave to park far from the door and walk a ways before exercising.

  15. I have a button because I am disabled and can’t close the hatch on my own. Before I got the button I had to shove all my stuff in the front with me. It was quite crowded and unpleasant. I am so grateful for the button. I am also thin and work out at the gym, and I park close. PS LOVE Pearls.

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