Add “Composer” to the List of Accomplishments on my Wikipedia Page

So I have a turkey sandwich in one hand and vitamin water in the other and I’m getting into my Honda Accord when a poodle-y looking dog pokes his head out of the half-open window of the car next to me and barks.

It shocks me so badly that I fall sideways into my driver’s seat, causing my shoulder to hit the horn in the steering wheel.

Which causes the dog to stop barking.

I quickly close my car door and stare bravely at the dog.  He stares back.

I am having a staring contest with a dog.

Then he barks again.

So I honk the horn again.

And he barks again.

So I honk again.

And so it went.  For two minutes.

Bark.  Honk.  Bark.  Honk.  Bark.  Honk.

I’m not saying this is the proper way to handle “the-dog-who-pokes-his-head-out-of-the-car-parked-right-next-to-you-and-barks” situation, but it did mark the first time I’ve written an avant-garde symphony with a dog.

I am nothing if not innovative.


30 thoughts on “Add “Composer” to the List of Accomplishments on my Wikipedia Page

  1. And the one with the highest intelligence quit barking/honking first. I’m betting on the dog.

  2. Spaceman is obviously jealous that he didn’t compose such an avant guarde masterpiece. Bravo, Maestro Pastis . . . bravo!!

  3. This is very random but i am losing my miiiindd, i thinkg i should have eaten breakfast and not wach alice in underland… prettty shiny rock… is mi bllog that lk;da is dokumenting my insansenecc. BAH HUMBUG!!! Bark honk bark hong garf bong gug hifflestine enderfan bob. babababababababbababababbabababbabbaaaaaaaa

  4. Haven’t seen that kind of musical innovation since Pink Floyd’s “Mademoiselle Nobs” in the late 1960s. Bravo, Stephan!

  5. First was your turkey sandwich the way you wanted it or did they screw it up again? Next, you should have recorded it to sell to iTunes or one of the sites that sell music and sold it, it worked for the dogs that bark Christmas songs.

  6. Proving yet again that Wikipedia pages will be changed at the mere suggestion (nope, I didn’t do this):

    “Stephan Thomas Pastis (pronounced “Stefen Passtiss”) (born January 16, 1968) is an American cartoonist, an avant-garde composer, and the creator of the comic strip Pearls Before Swine.”

  7. The amazing thing to me about this story is that you drive a Honda Accord. I thought you would have treated yourself to a Beemer or a Porche by now. I’m sure money is not the issue. Cartoonist who hit the jackpot must not know how to spend money like rock stars. You’re a “good egg.”

  8. You are unbelievable, man. You must have the incentive to just act unlike your age.

    This makes reading this blog all the more worthwhile.

  9. Wait a minute, how did you open the door with the sandwich in one hand and the vitamin water in the other?????

  10. Poodle-y? Is that a word? Secondly, isn’t it warm in California? That is animal abuse to leave a dog in a car! Call PETA!

  11. While walking my dog tonight I heard a belch on the other side of a wall. My dog barked back but he sadly did not know the correct answer was to belch again.

  12. Sooo, my favorite thing to do when I see a psychotic little canine going spaz in someone’s car, is to walk up and smear my face on the window to make the little insect go berserk and pee on its owner’s seat. Serves the owner right and makes my kids laugh.

  13. Steph, buy a small can of pepper spray. Works great on rude dogs, and leaves a little surprise for their thoughtless owners!

  14. I could not stop laughing at the mental picture of this happening. Well, if I couldn’t stop, that would mean I was still laughing. And I’m not, but I did laugh for a long time. And I laugh again every time I come back to read this.

  15. I once I had a dog I would put in a crate in the back of my truck when I’d run errands around town. She would purposefully try to scare people, I’m certain of it. In a parking lot someone would get out of the car parked next to us. She would look at the person. The person would look at her. The person would start to walk away, and then the dog would let lose with a round of loud, ferocious barks. The person would leap 3 feet in the air. The dog would then just stand there with what I always interpreted as a smile on her face.

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