I found a number on the side of my Triscuit box. It’s for people who have questions about Triscuits.
So I called it.
A woman answered.
“Thank you for calling Kraft Foods. Can I help you?”
“Hi,” I said, “Is this the number for people who have Triscuit-related questions?”
“Yes, it is,” she said.
“Great,” I said, “I have a buddy who eats a box of Triscuits a day. As a Triscuit-eater, what can he do to bring about peace in the Middle East?”
There was a long pause.
“I don’t have an answer for that,” she said.
“Is there someone there who does?” I replied.
“I’ll have to put you on hold,” she said, “Can I ask you your name?”
“Burt Hamerstein,” I said.
She put me on hold. Three minutes later, she returned.
“Mr. Hamerstein, we don’t deal with peace in the Middle East and the use of this phone number for that is inappropriate.”
Then she hung up.
So much for my Triscuit-related question.