It’s Enough To Make a Person Sick

Look at this list of the topselling box calendars on Amazon.

Other than The Office and Dilbert, it’s filled with sickeningly sweet bunnies and kitties and puppies.  That’s just too much cuteness.

Let’s send those people a message and buy a calendar filled with cynical animals and death.

Like, for example, these guys:

Please.  Help strike a blow for snarkiness.

And defeat those cuddly bunnies.

66 thoughts on “It’s Enough To Make a Person Sick

  1. I did my part at Barnes & Noble…50% off after Christmas. Sorry…I know that doesn’t help the Amazon total, but…um…er…bite me, I needed to save the money!

  2. I bought this daily calendar months ago, and my wall calendar just arrived today. I’m all set for a year of snarkiness!

  3. I took pictures of my own pet rabbits throughout the year and made a 2010 desk calendar at one of the photo sites. So not only is it a cute bunnies calendar, but I know the bunnies…

    I did, however, receive 4 Pearls plush characters for Christmas. In addition to the two I purchased myself this year, I now have a posse…

  4. I already have next years calendar sitting on my desk. Although it was a bit of a disappointment that once again only the Sunday strips are in color, while the people in the next cubicle over get to look at fully colored Dilbert & Get Fuzzy strips, and mock my colorless desk calendar (Even though it is funnier than theirs)…

  5. If I didn’t need my Sandra Boynton Mom’s Calendar, I’d love to have this one. Maybe for my desk at work…I have your ‘toons plastered all over my cube anyway…

  6. and yes, Sandra Boynton does fall into the cute bunnies & kitties category…please don’t kick me out of the PEARLS Club!

  7. I bought mine a few months back, and actually have it on my desk now with the January 1 comic showing.

    Of course, I didn’t buy it from Amazon. I got it at one of those kiosks in the mall. It still counts that I bought it, right?

  8. I had planned to get this calendar for my desk again this year. But someone gave me the Mary Engelbreit calendar for Christmas. And I…really…only…need…one?

    Okay, that sounds lame even to me. Because what do my piddly little needs matter in comparison with your need for more sales. I get that. I really do.

    But still…I already have a calendar. Sorry.

  9. Like those who have already commented, my box calendar is on my desk, waiting anxiously for the stroke of midnight tomorrow. This, however, will be a bittersweet moment because it will mean saying goodbye to the ’09 version.

    Boy, don’t I sound like a suck-up!

  10. I bought the PBFS calendar for home, where Hubby and I can revel in its snarkiness. I bought the cute baby animals calendar for work ‘cos I work in a hospital and most of the doctors, residents and nurses I work with don’t get snark.

  11. I got the Dilbert one for Christmas. And I also got a brain teaser daily calander for Christmas. I got wall calanders from insurance agents and other businesses. I really don’t need another @#$&* calander. Not even with Pearls on it. Besides, I bet they’re all reprints of old Pearls I have already seen. I’ll have to be content with my Pearls background on my iGoogle humor page.

  12. If I had seen it in the store when I went shopping for my calendars, I would have gotten it. Honest!

  13. since whale the seal toby turtle and andy the dog wont be in it but probably 8 months of crocs and zebra why would i buy it .

  14. Got the wall calendar for Christmas! A wonderfully thoughtful gift from my wife. I love that January is the ‘FREE atLASS!!’ strip. It’s one of my all-time favorites.

  15. I have a big Discworld wall calender…*evil cackle*

    But take heart, you’re contagious! Some weeks ago, Bill Amend showed a bad case of “Pastisites”, more commonly known as the “punbug” as it causes cartooninst to have their characters say awful puns.

    And Lo! This Sunday Mike Peters proved he’d got it!

  16. I confess to buying a 2010 Brevity calender. Yet my Saturday Evening Pearls cries out for another. Now to spend some money on a collection, say I won’t read it all to fast, and savor it, and end up reading it all in an hour.

  17. Oh…by the way. I have the weirdest dreams, and you were in one of them. Then again, it was the cartoon you. But it was an interesting dream, I think they ended up killing me and a group of others for preforming open surgery on a tuna.

  18. I got my calendar already. Its not some calendar of cute animals or a Pearls one either, its a Fullmetal Alchemist one. Which is just totally awesome, and i’ve had one every year sense 2007 (yes, I’m a total anime nerd, expecially when it comes to Fullmetal Alchemist).

    This doesn’t mean I won’t get getting any more calendars though. I still have yet to receive the rest of my presents from the rest of the family. These past few years he’s been getting desktop calendars for the rest of the family, last year he got me a Pearls one. I have an itching feeling I might be getting another desktop calendar this year from him, lets hope its another Pearls one. If not, well, i’m still happy with my Fullmetal Alchemist wall calendar.

    Either way, i’m still going to be sad when last years calendar runs out, I had so much fun reciting the strip of the day to my friends at times, annoying the hell out of them. It was fun. =D

  19. I converted this year. Went from a “Dilbert” to a “Pearls”, had to buy it at Amazon, since the bunnies and other cute animals led a boycott of Pearls at all of the local stores. Time for Lil Guard Duck to launch a coup in calenders!

  20. My family did our part, I bought one for my son and my daughter bought one for me, come to think of it Pastis, you owe me some money, we bought in bulk
    Now my son and I can laugh at the same thing again.
    P.S. Pastis, I received my new Pearls book and would you believe it, some clown drew in it. What is this world coming to?

  21. Every time I change a page on my Anne Geddes calendar, a baby cries somewhere. Usually in a movie theatre.

  22. I went there to buy it, but then I saw the “knitting pattern a day” calendar. Too tempting! K, not really. But I already have yours. I like to call it my “cal-LEN-der.”

  23. The PBS calendar is now at #6 on the Amazon list. Never under-estimate the power of the Pastis prose, or his shameless attempts at self-marketing.

  24. Well, I would have gotten a wall calendar of yours, but I did not see one (nor the desk one shown above, for that matter) at the calendar kiosk at my local mall the day after Christmas. However, I did get your friends’ calendars (as I have done the last few years): DILBERT & GET FUZZY. And I received a “Happy Bunny” calendar from my brother-in-law as a Christmas gift.

    Before you start throwing a tantrum, I’ll let you know that I have your 4 “treasury books” (“Pearls Sells Out” personally autographed to me)–which is so much better than a mere calendar, in my opinion!


  25. Curious thing on Amazon. New, the PBS calendar sells for seven bucks. Used, the price shoots up to $33.00.

    There’s your sale pitch: The only calendar that’s worth more the more you use it!

  26. That is not a statement you often hear worked into a conversation but it sounds like a great motto for 2010: “Let’s strike a blow for snarkiness.” Great idea. I already have mine. Enough with the blow dryer, Max.

  27. this has nothing to do with the thing for today, but you know how you said in your new treasury that the complainers should get a hobby? they do have one. making stupid and weird remarks at jokes made by a cartoonist who thinks up better gags then they could conceive.

  28. Best calendar I’ve ever gotten to read in the john love the puzzles on the back of the pages.makes you think.

  29. I got it at Borders today for my new office cube 🙂 Never had an office cube before, but when I found out I was going to have one as of Jan. 29th, I immediately thought of you, Mr. Pastis, and ran to Borders, where I clutched savagely in my fingers the last of the PEARLS desk calendars, the way one might imagine a fat guy clutching the last donut at Krispie Kreme.

    It was a harrowing experience, so the calendar better be worth it.

    Just ask the 4-5 other customers I plowed over to grab it.

    It was like Tickle-Me-Elmo all over again.

    There was much carnage.

    Rat would be proud.

  30. Your calendar is #5 today! I bought 2 from Amazon, one for each son months ago. Guard Duck is our favorite!

  31. I definately had to buy this years, it was a must buy! I don’t know if I could have made it through the year without my rat, pig and the crocs!

  32. I got it. I always need an excuse to read more Pearls strips. I also like the little puzzles/tidbits on the back pages of the calendar.

  33. Awesome! The “Pearls” calendar’s at #8 now and “Get Fuzzy’s” calendar is at #10. That “Cute Overload” (ugh…) calendar still holds #1, though… Let’s keep up the progress! To #1 we go! 😀

  34. I blame you Stephan Pastis, you & your funny puns! The calender just reminded me that I may be hearing about one of your strips for the entire year.
    “Dunk Rye for me Arch ans Tina” took my mom completely off guard because she didn’t see it coming, & then laughed & laughed. Now every couple of days at the dinner table, my folks say “Dunk rye” and start to giggle.
    Oh where will it end, the humor, the humanity??

  35. I bought a Cul de Sac calendar. Cute, with mild snarkiness throughout. Alice is my hero. No, wait! I am Alice!

  36. I really suggest that you should have animated cartoons for “Pearls” not crappy ones like the animated or real life one of “Garfield” but more like as good as “Peanuts”, (but of course just as dark and “bad” as your “normal” comics). And sorry for comparing you to such low comics (strips that don’t even campare to yours).

  37. I recently had to hire a lawyer and noticed he had a pearls before swine calender on his desk – I had to smile to myself – it made me feel like he was someone I could relate to as we apparently share a similar sense of humor.

  38. I couldn’t find one this year, so I bought a Get Fuzzy calendar instead. Does that help?

  39. a good (other than the PBS one, of course) is Andy Riley Bunny Suicides cartoon calenders (and books). But, ya know, he IS British, so….
    jk! check him out after you’ve memorized all the PBS posse’s lines. he draws the cutest (and smartest) suicidal rabbits ever!

  40. My husband got me this calander and four stuffed Pearl’s characters – he’s the best hubby ever – and Pearls kicks ass!!

  41. I wanted one, trust me. I looked everywhere for it and was told repeatedly that it only came in “daily” versions, not the wall-hanging kind. I need a wall hanger, sorry! I ended up making one of my own photo calendars of our trip to Italy this year. (It was amazingly better than your honeymoon, apparently!) It’s beautiful but funny? Not so much. Next year, make a wall-style and I promise to buy three.

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