Five Easy-To-Remember Workplace Rules for the Monday After Thanksgiving

1) Please stop asking me about my Thanksgiving.  I ate food.

2) Please don’t tell me about your Thanksgiving.   It probably looked a lot like mine.

3) Please don’t smile and pat your stomach and tell me you ate too much.  If you can’t stop shoving things in your mouth, that’s a personal issue.

4)  No, I didn’t watch the football game.  And no, I don’t want you to re-enact any of the plays.

5)  While were at it, please never tell me about your weekend.  We have weekends so can avoid each other.  When you sum up yours, you defeat the purpose.

And in preparation for Christmas:

Please, no exchange of presents with co-workers.  I’d sooner buy something for a pack of wolverines.

40 thoughts on “Five Easy-To-Remember Workplace Rules for the Monday After Thanksgiving

  1. Wolverines are easy to shop for, all they want is raw meat.

    Wait a minute, you’re a cartoonist, you don’t have any coworkers

  2. a pack of wolverines? That can mean you’re going to buy something for the Michigan football players or/and their fans. I’ll start my wish list..

  3. So is it your wife telling you about her Thanksgiving? Did she not notice you were there?

    Or were you talking to yourself again?

    By the way did you notice what they did on that 3 down and 12 yards, how the linebacker covered the weak…

  4. A list such as this proves that you are one of the smartest men alive, and one of the great thinkers of our era.

  5. Wow… his outlook is so close to mine about these two holiday seasons that it’s almost frightening. I completely agree with him.

  6. “wolverines don’t come in packs. they are solitary animals.”
    thus making a pack of wolverines that much more difficult to shop for.

  7. Hang on, that’s just five… Dante’s Inferno states that there are seven layers of hell…

  8. So I can’t talk about the time the defense was playing cover 2 with the nickel back in, and they sent him on the blitz, only to be pancaked by the left tackle while the quarterback pump faked twice and then ran it in for the touchdown when he couldn’t find any open receivers?

    Oops.

  9. you seem unqualified for this, as you work alone, and yet you totally nailed the top priorities. keep up the holiday cheer.

  10. You are a man after my own heart. I’d tell you I loved you if I knew you bette…and uh, if I were gay.

  11. It depends on how disagreeable your actual work duties are. I’ve seen people talk for ten minutes about their weekends when the office is busiest.

  12. You didn’t watch the game?? Well, let me tell you all about it. First, the score was 49-39 but…….

  13. You must harbor much anger from the days when you actually had to work with people in close proximity. You need therapy!

  14. My personal favorite:

    “So, are you ready for Christmas?!” (or the corollary, “Have you finished all your shopping?”)

  15. OK, this made me actually laugh out loud:

    “Have you ever tried to smoke a pack of wolverines?”

    by The Guy in the Back November 30, 2009 at 10:03 PM

    Also I agree with you (Stephen) completely.

  16. Instead of buying something for a pack of wolverines, just throw them some of those annoying people you described. I promise I won’t turn you in. In fact, I’d probably help you do it.

  17. Wow.

    Finally, someone who understands why Thanksgiving is even more annoying afterwards. Thanks Stephan for letting me know I am not alone!

  18. Wish List:
    1. Meet
    2. Meet
    3. Meet
    4. Catsup

    Tank you.

    If we no get presents, you no get hed.
    Dat warning, stoopid.

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