My Wife, the Weirdo.

Bored in the shower this morning, I decided to talk aloud.

“Shut up,” I said to no one in particular.

“No, you shut up,” I responded.

“No, YOU shut up,” I repeated.

“No, YOU shut up,” I answered.

You could tell things were getting heated.

“Did you just tell me to shut up?” I asked.

“What are you gonna do about it?” I answered.

That’s when I heard a third voice.  I was concerned because it wasn’t one of mine.

“Who are you talking to?” asked my wife Staci.

I looked up.  She was staring at me through the shower door.

“I got into an argument,” I said.

“That’s really strange,” she said.

“What’s strange?” I asked.

“To stand in the shower by yourself and raise your voice,” she said.

“Easy for you to say,” I responded, “You didn’t hear the rude things he was saying to me.”

Staci just stood there.  Silent.

Staring at me through the shower door.

What a weirdo.

37 thoughts on “My Wife, the Weirdo.

  1. Dude, where did you get the GOOD STUFF and may I get some too? I ask politely, but I want whatever you had!
    No I don’t!
    Yes I do!
    You promised you quit that!
    I lied!
    I can never trust you again!
    Send whatever you can spare… they are at it again!

  2. I thought that was kind of werid, but then I remembered that my boyfriend likes to air guitar and sing in the shower. And he is completely tone deaf. And he doesn’t really remember the correct words to songs…
    So I would probably do the same as Staci, but accept it becasue it’s not as bad as thrashing air guitar.

  3. Yea, don’t go back to lawyering…cause nobody will ever believe anything that comes out of both your moufs.

  4. Raising your general dislike of humanity to a new level–you include yourself. You make other misanthropes pale in comparison.

  5. When my husband does this the conversations are a bit more in-depth.

    He says it’s a sign of genius…

  6. Do you really do all the things you say you do, or do you just make them up? I don’t think I’ve ever met some one as funny as you.

  7. If I were you I would have kicked your butt..
    I tried that on me once and taught myself a lesson,
    almost had myself arrested, now I am not speaking to myself…We dont even make eye contact, lets just say shaving is a whole new adventure…

  8. How do you know Staci wasn’t staring at the other (presumably) naked guy in the shower with you?

  9. Naw, she won’t have him commited. If she did that, she’d have to do without those staggering amounts of money he makes as a cartoonist.

    Hmm. On second thought, Stephan, you better watch yourself.

  10. When I’m talking to myself, at least I can pretend I’m talking to the dog and that she’s listening.

  11. Hey Pastis, if you are so bored in the shower why don’t you shave that hideous thing off of your face! It is bad enough that I have to be around one goat in this strip, let alone two! Bad enough that I work for a pride less looser, worse that he woke up one morning and decided that he didn’t look “goaty” enough. I am so looking for work with the Keanes’!

  12. dude.. I thought I was the only one that would have conversations with myself!
    need to introduce cybil goats cousin from Arkansas that has multiple personalites

  13. wow dude…
    YOU ROCK! You tell him…yourself…that other guy…
    Tell him that if he disagrees with you, he’ll have to answer to your cousin Guido. And tell him you left the twisty off the Wonder Bread. Therefore you are a rebel.

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