Saw a Hummer on the road this morning. It was huge.
Whenever I see a Hummer, I pull alongside it and give the driver the Face. The Face is somewhere between scorn and revulsion. I do it every time, unless the driver is big or scary, in which case I just wave.
I can’t explain why I make faces at Hummer drivers. I guess I just don’t like the people who drive them. I know that’s an over-generalization, but so is this next sentence. I don’t like anyone.
Maybe it’s because I think Hummers take up too much space, or suck up too much gas, or look so ridiculously unnecessary on a suburban street not filled with jihadists.
Or maybe it’s just the statement I feel a Hummer’s driver is making, which seems to be, “If you and I get in an accident, I’m gonna pop you like a grape.”
But today’s Hummer driver was special.
Because on the back of his gigantic tank-like car was a yellow bumper sticker with a picture of a bicycle.
That said this:
“Share the road.”
Rare is the bumper sticker that so confounds me that I lose all sense of time. But this one managed.
I sat in a stupor trying to figure out the riddle.
What I finally deduced was that the driver of the Hummer wanted the rest of us to be careful of bicycle riders because he planned on running over them later.
That’s the kind of preparation you have to respect.
I pulled up beside him, not sure if I should give him the Face or wave.
He had a tattoo.