I, Rebel

When I was a kid, tattoos were a mark of rebellion.

You had to be courageous to get one, because they would mark you as different.  They marked you as dangerous.  Unpredictable.  You were Marlon Brando in The Wild One.

Now everyone and their uncle has one.   Tattoos are now as rebellious as a Rotary Club membership.

That is bad.

Because now I am 40 and I want to rebel.  And I have no way to show it.

The conformist masses have robbed me of my renegade symbols.

So I am going to start something new.

Something as dangerous and rebellious and outside the societal norm as tattoos once were.

I’m going to start facing the back wall of elevators.

I will miss my floor at times.

I will be stared at by the squares.

But fuck them.

I’m Marlon Brando.

57 thoughts on “I, Rebel

  1. My Dad does that all the time. If you want to REALLY freak people out, talk to them too. It’s hilarious.

  2. Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to start walking on my hands instead of my feet…take that, society!

  3. My, my, that wedding you went to really left you in a sour mood. Either that or you recently had a bad experience in an elevator. I’m sure Brando would be proud. If you really want to rebel, you could start your own MC. Jackets, secret handshake, the whole nine yards. I’ll start the Texas chapter.

  4. Tattoos are for wimps who don’t have kids.

    You wanna talk tough, try changing a few steaming diapers for starters. Or smile after you’ve had a toddler whang you in the baggies with a fungo bat.

    Hey, I’ve caught my kid’s projectile vomit with my hands. WITH MY BARE HANDS!!!!!

  5. Nose ring…not the girlie kind but the bull kind. That way Staci can drag take you to wedding and wal-mart.

  6. Go for it big time, break wind in there while your at it.
    Nothing marks you as a social misfit than cracking off a loud one in an enclosed space.
    Fly free my pretty…

  7. You could really become a wild one.

    Take thirteen items to the twelve item or less express line.

    Water your lawn in a rainstorm.

    Order a meal at two minutes to close.

    You da man Stephan — now take it to da man!

  8. That’s great! But, um, how are people supposed to know you’re being rebellious and not just a stupid old fool? Maybe you should wear a sign or something.

  9. Dude, Seriously, DONT get a tattoe. DONT get a nose ring…Right there ya being a rebel..DONT do what everyone else is doing. Thats whats a true rebel is.

    While ya on the elevator..Talk to people. That right there freaks em out. 20 people cramped in a 10 by 10 room thats being held up by a cable that could snap at anytime. Heck just start talking to em. There is a rebel there.

    Heck..Grow our your hair and start wearing very tight clothes..theres another thing to rebel again.

    When cranking your music up load. Make sure its Shrugs..Latin music or Mexican music…talk about getting some stares there.

    To be a rebel..you must do what everyone else Is NOT doing… ;D

  10. I can’t believe it, you used the “f” word, talk about old school. How about being a non conformist and not use the “f” word !!

  11. Do something totally radical go and get yourself the biggest gas guzzler you can find for cheap and park it in the driveway. I am sure those Yuppies in your neighborhood will be complaining for months when you start the smog maker and just drive around the block for the heck of it.

    Also Painting it in the rebel flag would be nice also.

  12. My rebellion is not watching football. Couldn’t care less about the NFL or even the Gators, whom I work for.

    I don’t watch Baseball or Basketball. I’m agnostic in all things including sports.

    I do watch Curling and down here in Florida, I’m the only fan they have.

    Go Manitoba!

  13. Yes, he used the “f” word. Shocking, isn’t it. Because I’m sure, as a former lawyer, he’s never used that word in his entire life.

  14. Mr. Brando, you’ll soon be over this “Rebel Without Applause” phase…just don’t drive down any two-lane back country highways at high speed in the middle of the night…

  15. Another way to rebel is to play soft country music at max volume in your car down the highway with the windows rolled down. It turns some heads. But don’t do it too often. Listening to more than two country songs in a week will destroy your mind and make you go crazy.

  16. why not be even more daring and do something old-fashioned? so many woman are doing it: it’s called knitting. 🙂 and sewing. 🙂 and other old past-times that are nowadays scorned. 🙂

  17. “But f### them”? sorry mate, it’s you who’s likely to get bum f###ed whilst facing the back wall of the lift.

  18. “Whoa! Me is one huge ant!”

    Just keep saying that to random strangers. It would also work if you are caught sneaking away from weddings by Staci.

  19. Ah, I see people standing backwards in elevators frequently. If you *really* want to rebel, stand sideways.

  20. I’ve always wanted to know if Tom will take over pearls when you die. If he doesn’t can i have it?

  21. Here’s what you need to do. Walk around with your fly unzipped and let your hang out. Now you can be rebellous, scare people and be ready for anything!

  22. You want to be a rebel? Don’t use the usual swear words. My 13-year-old cousin uses them, and he’s hardly dangerous. Substitute them with other four-letter words that would otherwise be harmless in ordinary language. Better yet, use a foreign language and stump all those around you as you curse them with your own swear vocabulary!

  23. I always laugh when I read the comments. They’re often as interesting as the blog, and it’s no different today, but why are so many people being touchy cause Pastis dropped the F bomb? Gees people, grow up! Or did it hurt your little feelings to read that word? Here’s an idea – close your eyes!

  24. Dude, be a true rebel and just fart whenever you please whereever you please…elevators, weddings, storyboard meetings. Rude, crude and socially unacceptable = rebellion

  25. i’ve stolen all of your comic books from barnes&nobles except for the treasuries and Macho macho animals (i bought that one).
    THAT IS REBELLIOUS!!!!11!!!1shift!!!!1!!1log(10)!!!11!!1

  26. Why don’t you just get a nipple ring? That way you can rebel and we don’t have to see it.

  27. That last post seriously made me fall out of my chair laughing. I myself am feeling somewhat rebellious now. I’m off to blow up my neighbor’s mailbox and leave the twisty off the bread package.

  28. I have a comment and I wish to share… Everytime I read in your strip *&%^$#$, I think you are saying fucking… Glad to know I was right

  29. In order to be different, I recommend wearing your right hand inside your tunic, Napoleon style (or Horatio Nelson, depending on your historical tastes).

  30. You ever look at old photos and wonder why in the hell anyone would make themselves look so ridiculous by today’s standards…things like leather suits and plaid slacks in the 70’s or mullets and elevator pants in the 80’s? Well, substitute tattoos 10 years from now. Tattoos may be considered stylish now, but you will be mocked and laughed at by teenagers a few years from now.

  31. Actually, didn’t you turn 41 on January 16? I know I did and we share the exact same birthday — LOL!

    Anyway, thanks so much for your blog. My husband (in Afghanistan) is thoroughly enjoying it. He loved the Hummer bit. Seriously. Thanks!

  32. You should scoff at society by taking responsibility for your actions, now THAT would be rebellious , since no one seems to do that anymore..

  33. I just stumbled upon this blog today and definitely will be reading again. I love your form of rebellion, so rock on.
    From, Not Easily Impressed but is Today, Key Wii

  34. Oh my gawd! I am a HUGE fan, even tho I am *not* Marlon Brando. Keep it up, you make me LAUGH!!!!!

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