Me, Ice Cream Shops and the Special Energy Known as Stupid

New-age types believe in energy fields known as “spiritual vortexes.”  They believe one exists in Sedona, Arizona.

They believe that in Sedona, this energy flows free.

I don’t know if they’re right.  I don’t know if there really are spiritual vortexes.  But I know this.

Last night, I took my kids to an ice cream shop.  It was next door to a video rental store.  Both places are part of big chains, but I won’t give their names, due to the next sentence.

It was a stupid people vortex.

A fake-blonde with bad tattoos texted like she was solving the crisis in Darfur.  Two obese people made out like they were in an ice-cream-themed motel room.  A slob in a tank top sneezed all over his arm.

And a pale white guy took four minutes to decide on the right topping.

No need to hurry.  There were only 26 people in line behind him.

And then there was the coup de grace.

An Asian couple blocked the front door with their bikes.

There was at least a hundred feet on either side of the storefront for them to put their bikes.  A fair amount of space for two bikes.  They chose the space in front of the door.

They never noticed me and the other six people trying to get out of the store.  But eventually they wanted to get in.  And with their bikes there, they couldn’t.  So they moved them.

Otherwise, I’d be writing this from an ice cream store.  Trapped and fighting with the stranded obese people for the last remaining tubs of ice cream.

But these are the risks you take.

When the stupid flows free.

32 thoughts on “Me, Ice Cream Shops and the Special Energy Known as Stupid

  1. and just think… Most of those people (and many more like them) share the road with you every day.

  2. I suspect that if you’d had rat’s Mallet O’ Understanding, no problem. I am beginning to think of it as an all around handy problem solving necessity.

  3. The fact that you aren’t currently incarcerated demonstrates that you have amazing restraint.

    Go Bears!

    Stevo

  4. “The Stupid Flows Free”. Perfect name for a compilation or some-such! I can’t wait!!

  5. I gave my son a T-shirt that says: I see Dumb People.
    You need one.

    Moron Magnets:
    Professional sporting events, (NASCAR in particular), All You Can Eat places, Dollywood, Shopping Malls, the list goes on forever.

    On the other hand, last Shuttle launch only attracted 1/2 dozen people out of the thousand where I work..

    Sad, really..

  6. How did they block the door with their bike though? I’m trying to imagine how the place actually was designed – usually you cannot park right in front of a store right?

  7. You haven’t been a in a TRUE stupid vortex. It exists here in Fayetteville, North Carolina. From people who ask if they can get a loan through the drive thru to those who try to deposit items that say ‘THIS IS NOT A CHECK’ or ‘NON-NEGOTIABLE’ (I’ve seen this multiple times) to those that use the center lane for driving, we have a whole variety of stupid people. There must be a fountain of stupid nearby or something.

  8. You haven’t been a in a TRUE stupid vortex. It exists here in Fayetteville, North Carolina. From people who ask if they can get a loan through the drive thru to those who try to deposit items that say ‘THIS IS NOT A CHECK’ or ‘NON-NEGOTIABLE’ (I’ve seen this multiple times) to those that use the center lane for driving, we have a whole variety of stupid people. There must be a fountain of stupid nearby or something.

  9. As an Arizonan (a phoenician to be exact, doy), I can vouch that Sedona does NOT have some vortex.

    If there was free flowing energy, all the iron in the whole darn place wouldn’t have rusted about a gazillion years ago.

    It’s gorgeous, yes, but that’s about it.

    As for the stupid vortex . . . well . . . while I love my state, city, and home . . . I’m pretty sure the whole State of Arizona is a vortex for stupidty. Maybe not originally, but given the current state of things down here . . . oy vey.

    /end rant.

  10. LOL That reminds me of the time I was in a similar intelligence-challenged ice cream shop. This lady asked the clerk if bananas were in the Banana Split? Uh..You don’t see the giant picture of the Banana Split on the menu board? The clerk had a real hard time keeping a straight face.

  11. Another stupid people vortex: Walmart! I feel like I lose IQ points just by walking in the door. Last night I was beside a family at the deli counter, arguing about lunch meat and finally decided to buy everything the store offered, just in case. They also believed if you put lettuce on something, it was automatically “healthy”.

  12. Wow I see a lot of stupid people every day!!! I wonder if anyone has ever thought of researching what makes people stupid (and not for comedy reasons).

  13. Perhaps we need to let more predators roam around our cities and allow natural selection to weed out the weak and stupid of our species.

  14. Are you really as anti-social as you claim to be? Is this something that is true of most cartoonists? I know that would mean you have to be social with other cartoonists enough to find out if they are anti-social, but since you won some awards or such, I figured you know a few. Got to my site and write me if you wish.

  15. Continuing on the stupid theme. Arguments, discussions, political ideas, views of the world etc.

    Stupidity is not an opinion.

  16. Pingback: Quote on stupidheads | wyhr.org

  17. Hot summer + ice cream store= lots of people

    lots of people= pretty high amount of stupidity

    Stephan Pastis= anti social satirist

    Stephan Pastis + Ice Cream Shop= this blog entry

    But why did Stephan decide to go to an ice cream shop in these conditions? Haha must be a devoted dad?

  18. My dad was in a Border’s book shop the other day. There was an obese woman sleeping on the floor.

  19. Arizona itself is a place for stupid people.
    I’d know.
    What’s stupid and pathetic is wanting to camp outside a Carl’s Jr. before it’s grand opening.

    But hey, without stupid people, who would we laugh at?
    They are just a great source of entertainment🙂

  20. atthe ice cream shop i went to there were realy like way to skinny people making out

  21. myself, when i walk into any potential or known stupid vortex (and being in indiana, its a daily risk!), i tend to do that “eww who farted” move and cover my nose and mouth with my shirt. you know…for protection.
    wow…i think i just talked myself into wearing an ascot for just such eventualities!

  22. Are you certain you are not viewing youtube in HTML 5 on your Mac? On a youtube video right click the video. If the bottom of the menu says “About HTML 5 you are in the youtube HTML 5 trial (which is set as default). Select “About HTML 5 from the menu and it takes you to a youtube page where at the bottom you can leave the trial. Then you get flash videos which work. HTML 5 from youtube is completely broken and horrible for the Mac, especially older ones and display the type of behaviour you described. (starting, stopping, poor loading, jerky video, bad browser response, etc)

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