Flew back from Hollywood yesterday and wanted to let you know that if any of you are having trouble speaking today, I know why.
The woman sitting across from me on the plane used up all the words.
She sat with her friend during the flight. Their husbands sat in a different row. That should have been a red flag.
She never once shut her mouth. She talked coming down the aisle, talked when we were awaiting take-off, talked during the take-off, talked during the drink service, talked during landing, talked while we waited to de-board.
And she talked fast, thereby increasing her word consumption rate.
Even more tragic was the fact that none of the words were put to good end. She was the neighbor who lets her sprinklers run in the rain.
At the end of the flight, as we waited to get off the plane, she complained to her husband that he should not have chosen the seats they were in, because it put them at the back of the plane, and it therefore took too long for them to de-board. Her husband said he always chose the back because there were less crying babies to annoy them during the flight. But then he added, “But we had you talking the entire time, so you made up for that.”
I was giddy with joy.
The woman was not.
She glared angrily at her husband. And then she glared at me, as I was standing directly behind her husband. And then I did something that surprised even me.
I nodded my head in agreement.
She stared at me, stunned by my rudeness.
I was a little stunned as well. Not by my reflexive gesture, but by the fact that her mouth had stopped moving.
Before you judge me, consider this: I almost high-fived the man.
I’d say more about the fact that I took the moral high road, but I cannot.
Big-mouth took all the words.