The Sad Saga of the Toilet Paper BabyAugust 6, 2010
Squeezed a bunch of toothpaste out of the tube this morning to see if the adage, “You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube” is right.
Staci walked in as I was doing it. I had toothpaste on all of my fingers.
“What do you think you’re doing?” she asked.
Which reminds me.
When Staci really wants to know what I’m doing, she says, “What are you doing?”
When she wants to imply I’m someone she never should have married, she throws in the words “do you think”.
I’ve come to learn over the years that there is no need to answer the questions with “do you think” in the middle.
So I just stood there with toothpaste on my hands and watched as she put a big package of toilet paper in the cabinet under the sink.
That’s when it caught my eye.
On the package of toilet paper was a baby sitting in the clouds.
“Why does our toilet paper have a picture of a baby in the clouds?” I asked Staci.
“Why does it matter?” she said.
“Because babies are cute and lovable,” I said.
“So?” she said.
“So it depresses me to associate them with my toilet paper.”
“It’s not a regular baby,” she said. “It’s an angel baby. That’s why the toilet paper is called Angel Soft.”
“Does that mean my toilet paper baby died?” I asked.
“Wash the toothpaste off your hands,” she said.
“Am I the only one bothered by this?” I asked.
“Wash your hands,” she said.
I stood there pondering how this unfortunate baby had started my whole day off on the wrong foot.
“Stephan, seriously,” she said, grabbing me by the wrists and putting my hands under the hot water tap.
I said the only thing I could.
“What do you think you’re doing?”