I lose four or five pairs of sunglasses a year.
I leave them in cafes, restaurants, cars, gyms and any other place where I can take them off my head.
So when I buy them, I buy cheap ones. The $19 ones you get on drugstore racks.
But two weeks ago, I found a great pair for $100. I knew my wife Staci wouldn’t be thrilled, so I called her. She told me not to buy them because I would lose them. I told her I really wanted them and that I wouldn’t lose them.
I lost them that day.
Don’t know where. Don’t know how.
I just know I didn’t have the heart to tell Staci. And I couldn’t come home with a $19 pair, because she would know the difference.
So I spent $100 and bought a replacement.
It was an expensive thing to do, but I was desperate.
And before you, the reader, start judging me for my wastefulness, consider this one additional thing that happened to me yesterday:
I lost the replacement pair.
I am now down $200 and have no sunglasses to show for it. And I know when the credit card bill comes, Staci is going to see it. And when she sees I spent $200 on two pairs of sunglasses, both of which are gone, she is going to go through the roof.
I’m thinking of losing a lot of weight and painting dark circles under my eyes in the hope that she’ll think I’m just a heroin addict. Either that or bring home a prostitute.
At least that way I’ll have something tangible to show for the money I spent.
I’m open to suggestions.